怀念父母亲 Commemoration Of Parents: November 2006

It was 2nd November 2004 and I purposely took leave to morally support my daughter who was having her GCE "O" level on this day. As usual I got out of bed at 6 in the morning and started the day with my first stick of cigarette. Halfway through, I felt a sudden sense of extraordinary silence that I've never had before any other morning. It was this senses that beckoned me to take a look at the room where my mother was lying. She seems to be sleeping soundly but in order to ensure this I went close to her and called "mother". There was no reply and I began to sense that something was wrong. I place my finger close to her nostril and did not feel any present of breathing. I knew that my mother had departed us and I couldn't control my tears anymore. I kept on calling but there was no reply. Immediately I went into our bedroom and inform my wife that our mother was gone. Upon hearing the newsbreak my daughter broke into tears, as this was the first day of her GCE "O" level. I had to pull myself together to overcome the grief of losing my mother and also to comfort my daughter not to worry but just do her best.

It all started when my mother was first admitted to Tan Tock Seng Hospital on 28th June 2004 when she complaint of her abdominal pain. I can still recall that morning when I was having a regular morning meeting with my leads giving directions for the day's production needs. One of my brothers called me saying that our mother is having abdominal pain and needed a doctor. As I was busy at that moment, I told him to get another brother to bring her to the doctor. However the other brother claimed that he was also busy and by the time my eldest sister came over to attend to my mother, the neighborhood clinic doctor advised that my mother needs to be admitted, as her condition was critical.

Upon admission, the doctor said that an immediate operation was needed as my mother's appenditis had already burst. The following day I went to visit her and also settled the documentation on her warding. Everything seems all right after the operation but my mother had lost her appetite. Initially we thought that this was temporary, but days went by and she’s merely eaten and I started to worry, as situation was unfavorable. The doctor had suggested inducing feeding through the nose but that did not really help. Milk feeding through the vein was also introduced but needs to be removed within 2 weeks, as there may be infection. Two weeks passed and my mother was still not eating. The doctor finally approached us and told us that she needs a second operation as her stitched colon had burst.
Crucial decision have to be made as this was not a minor operation and all of us gathered and discuss on whether to let her go for this operation. Finally we had no other option but to proceed to the doctor's recommendation. We told our mother on the operation and she appeared to be very strong, as she does not want us to worry about her.

On the night of operation, we stayed at the hospital until she was finally wheeled out of the operation theatre after midnight into the ICU. I still can recall how I could not control my tears upon seeing her in the ICU with tubes and wire attached to her body. I've never seen a scene like this before. When I gripped her hand she responded weakly. I felt that this is the worst ordeal I've been through. The next day when we visited, she was conscious but could not talk as there was an oxygen tube being placed through her mouth to help her to breath. A few days passed and I was more relieved when the doctor finally removed the oxygen tube from her mouth and she could start speaking.

It was 9th August, 2004 Singapore National Day celebration and I happened to be balloted with a pair of tickets which I planned to go with my daughter. On this day good news of my mother discharging from ICU and being transferred to the High Dependency Ward came in the morning. We were so delighted that immediately we went down to the Hospital to wait for her transfer.
At the HPD ward, she stayed for 1 week and was finally being transferred to the normal ward again. As she had undergone a major surgery, her wound would take some time to heal and daily the nurse needs to attend to her dressing. I happened to see the nurse dressing her wound and was shocked to find that the operation left a large wound on her abdominal and would take months to heal. My mother was so strong that she did not even complain of any pain! Days passed and although she could eat a little, she was still unable to get up and walk. I begun to worry as although she looked all right but she had lost her strength to even sit up. Weeks passed and her condition did not improve and the doctor recommended to transfer her to the Ang Mo Kio clinic for physiotherapy to assist her in walking again.

At Ang Mo Kio clinic, the facility was not as good as in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. My mother did not make any progress at this location. In fact her condition seems to have deteriorated, as she does not look as cheerful as she was in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. The Ang Mo Kio Hospital only allow my mother to stay for 1 month and after which we will have to make our own arrangement whether to take her home or refer to a nursing home. During her stay at Ang Mo Kio Hospital, my mother did not perform any exercise, the only thing the hospital staff did was to haul her out of bed and sit on a chair and after a while haul her back to the bed. Initially, the arrangement for my mother was to live with my eldest sister after her discharge. But the final decision supported by my wife was to bring her to our house and tend to her needs. My mother seems to be very happy upon knowing that she'll be coming to our house.

It was the day of discharge from Ang Mo Kio Hospital and we've to arrange an ambulance to aid the transportation as my mother was unable to walk. Upfront we had prepared a cushion bed with interval strip for ventilation to prevent skin irritation due to prolong contact. A special wheel chair was also catered for transporting her to bathroom. My wife had spent 2 days at the hospital learning how to tend to my mother's need. As for my mother's dressing, I'll have to attend to the changing once every 2 days. We even prepared an electronic chime for her to activate when need arises. The chime was placed in our bedroom so that during midnight we can clearly hear the sound when activated. I'm grateful to my wife for her care taken on my mother, as it was not easy for her to clean up for my mother daily single handedly. She's very committed to my mother's need round the clock until late midnight.

It was the 19th day since the discharge from Ang Mo Kio hospital and as usual after changing her dressing and cleaning up by my wife it was already midnight when both of us went to bed unknowing that she was leaving us...

On the day of the demised of our beloved mother, despite the grief, I immediately swung into action with the experience of my profession. Dissemination of tasks to all my brothers were carried out and I station home monitoring the progress of each task assigned. By 2pm, everything had already been settled according to expectation.

On the days of wake held, daily collection were carefully recorded and estimation of expenses were also plotted. Advance preparation of the next day necessities was also carried out ensuring that there's minimum or no mistake made.

When the funeral was over, the expenditure was settled as projected upfront.

Hereby, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all relatives and friends who attended the wake and also for the kind and generous contribution made towards the expenses of my mother's funeral.

今天是二零零四年十一月二号而我特地请假来支持女儿的“O”水准会考。我照常的在清晨六点钟起床点燃了第一根香烟。就在这时侯，我突然觉得格外寂静而这感觉是我从来没有过的。这足使我往母亲所住的房间去查看。她好像在熟睡中。但为了证实这一点我走近她叫声‘妈”。她没有反应而我开始觉得事情有点不妙。我把手指放靠近她鼻孔但感觉不到呼吸的现象。我知道母亲已离开人世，而再也控制不了我的眼泪。我一直呼唤着但她始终没有回应。我即刻进卧房通知妻子母亲已离开人世。我女儿一听到这个消息就放声大哭，因为这天刚好是她的“O”水准会考的第一天。除了安屯自己失去母亲悲伤的心情也同时要安慰我女儿叫她不要担心只要尽力就可以了。

一切从二零零四年六月二十八日开始当母亲因腹部巨烈疼痛而被送进陈笃生医院。我还记得当天早上我正在照常的跟员工们开会。其中一位哥哥通知我母亲的状况需要马上带她去看医生。当时我正忙着，我告诉他找另一位哥哥带她去。但那位哥哥也走不开而直到我大姐到达带母亲到邻里诊所时，母亲的情况已恶化而需要马上入院。

入院后，医生说母亲的盲肠已破裂必须马上开刀。隔天我到医院探望她也替她办妥了入院手续。手术后一切似乎显得很正常只是母亲已失去胃口。起初我们以为这只是暂时性的，但日子一天天的过去，母亲的胃口并没有进展，我开始担心起来因为情况有点不妙。医生建议从鼻子用管子谓奶但这不是长久决绝方法。从筋脉谓奶方法也随后被纳用，但两个星期后必须拆除以避免受感染。两个星期已过但母亲依然没服食。最终医生对我们说母亲需要开第二次刀因为缝好的肠再度破裂。

这是个大手术所以大家齐聚一堂商量并做出慎重的决定是否让母亲进行手术。最终我们别无选择而随着医生的建议。我们告知母亲有关开刀的决定而她显得很镇定为了是不让我们担心。

手术当晚，我们都留在医院等候。手术终于在凌晨完成而母亲也被送入加户病房。我还记得在加户病房看到母亲身体所连接的电线和吸管触使我忍不住我的泪水。我从来没有目睹过这样的情景。当我握住母亲的手。她的反应很微弱。我觉得这是我一生中经历的最难过事件。隔天当我到访，母亲已清醒但仍然无法讲话因为有一条吸管放入她口中帮忙她呼吸。隔了几天当医生把吸管拆除而母亲也可以开口讲话时我才觉得比较放心。

这天刚好是二零零四年八月九日也正是国家的生日。我很幸运的被抽中两张当天的入门票而打算和女儿一同去观赏庆典。早上就传来了母亲将从加户病房转换到中等病房的喜讯。我们知道这个好消息后，马上到医院等候母亲的病房转换。

在中等病房母亲住了一个星期然后被换到普通病房。因为经过大手术，她的伤口需要一段时间复原也需要护士每天换药。在护士换药时，我无意间发现手术竟然留下一个很大的伤口，而这伤口至少需要几个月的时间才可康复。母亲是一个很坚强的人也并没有投诉任何疼痛！日子一天天的过去母亲也开始有点食欲，但她还是无法起来走动。我又开始担心因为表面上母亲显得好好的，但实际上她已经连最基本坐起来的力量都没有。几个星期过去母亲的情况也没有改善，医生推荐把她转换去宏茂桥医院做物理治疗来帮她恢复行走。

宏茂桥医院的设施并没有比陈笃生医院好。母亲在这里并没有什么进展。其实，她的状况有些退步因为她没有以前在陈笃生医院那么开朗。宏茂桥医院只允许我母亲居住一个月过后我们就要自己安排母亲住宿。在宏茂桥医院母亲并没有被安排什么运动。医院员工们只是把她用吊秤吊上椅子坐一会儿然后再吊回床位。起初的安排是母亲出院后到到大姐家居住。但最终我妻子和我反对这个决定而把母亲接回自己家里居住也方便照顾。母亲知道要来我家里居住似乎显得很开心。
这天是母亲从宏茂桥医院回家的日子而我们已经预先安排好了救护车护送。家里预先准备了通风床避免皮肤因长久接触而产生红痒。也特地定购了一张能够同时在浴室共用的轮椅给母亲用。之前我妻子也花了两天的时间到医院学习怎样照顾母亲的饮食起居。母亲每隔两天换一次伤口的药是由我照料的。我们更准备了一个电子警铃给母亲有需要时按动。警铃就安装在我们的睡房以便半夜按动时可以很清楚的听到。我很感激我妻子一心一意的照顾着我母亲，因为她独自一个人要帮母亲抹身体实在不简单。她无怨无悔的为母亲的需要忙到半夜三更才回房休息。

母亲从宏茂桥医院回到家中已是第十九天了。像往常一样我替她换了伤口的药而我妻子帮她请洗后已经是凌晨时分，我们也回房睡觉，没有料到母亲已经准备离开我们。。。

母亲去世的当天，除了悲伤，我马上发挥专业经验分配工作给兄弟们去办理而我就留在家中观察每项差事的进展。下午两点正，所有的事情已经依照计划完成。

办丧事的那几天，每日的白金收入都一一的记录下来也开始预算整个开支的费用。隔天所需品也预先准备以确保没有或减少差错产生。

当整个丧事办完后，所有的开支都如预算中。
在此，我谨借这个机会向那些出席吊丧和出殡的亲朋戚友致以万二分的谢意。